The Quest for Thought

I am trying to be consistent with my posts, however, it is a challenge that is quite daunting. Even though I write daily it is difficult for me to publish content that I would not mind being on the internet for everyone to see.

These past few days the thoughts I have been having have been extremely negative and I was in no mood to let anyone be a part of that whirlwind. Since I am unemployed most of the day, I am home alone doing nothing. Doing absolutely nothing makes my mind wander to places that it has no business going.

I know there are things I can do to keep myself busy or just learn something, yet I am unable to focus on anything. The thought of starting something or having that commitment towards something is difficult for right now. But when I am not doing anything I am riddled with the guilt of wasting my time and letting it just all slip away.

The days are just happening without anything happening in those days. It feels like I am living in a loop and there is nothing I can do to break the loop. I have lost interest in things and the thought of getting a job makes me feel worthless. It is like I know I will not be a good addition to a company, however, I know if given a chance I can give my best. The constant battle between two different yet same thoughts consumes a lot of energy.

I know the things that I have to do, but I am stuck at the start and cannot move. If you know anything that will help me in starting please let me know, it will be really helpful.